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About Deviant Artist coolchickzFemale/United States Recent Activity
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I am not a simple thing,
Something that you can pull on strings.
I am not a toy that you can do as you please,
Something to wind up and control.
I am not yours to hold on to,
Something to play with until you get bored.
I am not your puppet,
you cannot pull my strings.
And yet I cant seem to cut them free from you,
it seems like you have me by my heart strings.
No matter how hard I try,
I am yours to hold the key to wind me...
In the end I am your toy and I let you keep playing,
Until you get bored of me and throw me away,
you have me by my strings,
and yet I claim not to be a simple thing.
I am a marionette, and you are my puppeteer.
for this is the simplest thing.

For you hold my lock,
you own the key.
And yet I'm not a simple thing,
I am a creature unknown,
yet to be discovered.
I just wish to be a simple thing,
not attached to any strings.
I am not made out of wood,
yet I have a heart made of stone,
you wish I was easy to control,
yet you have tangled up my strings.
For I am not a simplistic thing,
I am not a toy,
I am not yours,
and yet you own me,
you control my pieces in this game of chess.
You have me cornered,
you play with my strings.
In the end I'm truly just a thing,
a puppet to do you're bidding,
until you're bored and you throw me away.
As if all I ever was, was just an inanimate thing...
  • Mood: Artistic
You know when you feel like you're the only one trying to be grown up and mature?
You try to take the responsibility even if you didn't do it?
You say your sorry and that you'll do anything to fix it?
Well, that's me lately, I'm being the only mature adult right now and it just seems like I can't take all the pressure anymore....
I have a twin sister, she is 15 minutes older than I am, and yet I feel like I have to play mom with her all the time.
I worked really hard in school, to get good grades and prove that I'm not as worthless as my parents said I was.
My twin on the other hand is just now taking her Senior year in High School because she dicked around and shoved everything off until the last minute and uses the excuse that she has a disability. Which my sister does have a disability, and it's called laziness.
I just have finally reached the end and decided that I am done rescuing my sister from her mistakes.
She can't rely on me forever and I can't keep helping her and letting her believe I will always be there as an escape if she needs me.
  • Mood: Torment
(Dear Readers, This is a book in progress. I hope that you take heed to this warning. This may be disturbing to some readers. I would not recommend you read this if you have had a past experience like I did that is related to child abuse. If so, I would not recommend reading this).

Prologue
Darkness, fears. Memories unimagined. Things so scary that you only read about them in stories or watched it in a horror film.

That was her life, living by fear, it was her untold story. Her relentless nightmares. The things that happened behind that sealed door. The retched smell of mold and mildew.
The taste of sweat, tears, and dried blood. She can hear him, coming. Coming for her... To beat her, bloody and barely breathing. Making her imagine and wonder what's beyond the closet door.

Chapter 1

Alliah sat in the back of the class. She didn't talk to anyone. She didn't make friends, and she never answered the questions, even if she knew them... Today, she sat in the back on this hot day, wearing a long sweater and kept her hair down... She sat hiding in the back of the class so that no one would see. The scars, the bruises, the fact that she almost had not a nail on her fingers... This was her burden to carry and she didn't want anyone to know. She started to space out of the class's session...

He came home with the stench of booze on his breath. It was the way he came home most days... He was a violent drunk. She knew what was coming, she knew it as soon as his foot had hit the foot of the steps. He always came for her... He never took away her virture, yet he beat every hope and every dream she ever had right out of her. She could hear him undoing his belt and muttering to himself...

"Alliah! If you keep falling asleep in my class I am going to have to send you to the Nurse's office". Alliah looked around and checked her surroundings. She was still sitting in her chair. Everyone was staring at her and she couldn't help but feel the relief of being safe... She couldn't help it. Falling asleep. It had been days since she had last slept... She couldn't escape him... Not even in her dreams.

The bell rang and Alliah sorely started to gather all of her belongings. Every movement she made was a sharp pain coursing through her body. She headed for the door when Mrs. Hoover held up her hand and signaled Alliah over. Mrs. Hoover spoke softly, "Alliah, is everything at home okay? You look like you haven't slept in days and your grades are worse than normal". Alliah stared off as she continued to speak, "Even now, you are distanced and shut off"... Mrs. Hoover reached for Alliah's hand, and Alliah flinched. She couldn't trust anyone's touch, "I'm sorry Mrs. Hoover, I'll study harder. I have to go, I don't want to miss beating the bus".

Alliah slipped out of the room and walked out of the school. She waited until she was out of sight and broke into a run. She ran until she couldn't run anymore. Alliah fell to the ground and started to cry... She let her thoughts take over and she fell into the darkest parts of her mind.

"He's going to find out". She told herself.
"No".
"He'll punish you even worse than normal".
"Stop".
"You know he's going to put you back into that closet. This time he might keep you in there for days".
"Stop it".
"He's going to do it, and then where will you be?"
"Leave me alone".
She snapped out of her mind and lay on the ground numb... She began the walk home. She didn't know why she didn't just walk the other way. Every step she took, felt like a step closer to death...
*****


  • Mood: Tearful
  • Listening to: Blue October
  • Watching: Queen of the Damned
  • Eating: Jolly Rancher Chews
Everyone always tells you the story of Alice and the looking glass.
How she entered an unknown world and discovered things of herself.
Sometimes I wish I had the ability to step out of myself and look through the window and see what they see...
The strength and the courage that I carry each and everyday.
I want to be the one looking through the window.
See myself through different eyes.
The happiness.
The sorrow.
The hopes and dreams that I carry.
I wish I was looking through the window, to see what all others see too.
:)
  • Mood: Artistic

deviantID

coolchickz

Artist
United States
Current Residence: USA
Favourite style of art: Sketches
Personal Quote: "Look beyond the mask of reality, view your world through different eyes."- Me: Cara
Interests
I am not a simple thing,
Something that you can pull on strings.
I am not a toy that you can do as you please,
Something to wind up and control.
I am not yours to hold on to,
Something to play with until you get bored.
I am not your puppet,
you cannot pull my strings.
And yet I cant seem to cut them free from you,
it seems like you have me by my heart strings.
No matter how hard I try,
I am yours to hold the key to wind me...
In the end I am your toy and I let you keep playing,
Until you get bored of me and throw me away,
you have me by my strings,
and yet I claim not to be a simple thing.
I am a marionette, and you are my puppeteer.
for this is the simplest thing.

For you hold my lock,
you own the key.
And yet I'm not a simple thing,
I am a creature unknown,
yet to be discovered.
I just wish to be a simple thing,
not attached to any strings.
I am not made out of wood,
yet I have a heart made of stone,
you wish I was easy to control,
yet you have tangled up my strings.
For I am not a simplistic thing,
I am not a toy,
I am not yours,
and yet you own me,
you control my pieces in this game of chess.
You have me cornered,
you play with my strings.
In the end I'm truly just a thing,
a puppet to do you're bidding,
until you're bored and you throw me away.
As if all I ever was, was just an inanimate thing...
  • Mood: Artistic

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:iconcoolchickz:
coolchickz Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2014
I miss my Zac. If you're out there, and are still watching me, please write me.... You were originally Candace lover, and then Doofenshirmtzevil. So, if you are out there, please find me.
Reply
:iconyachiru-likes-candy:
Yachiru-likes-candy Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Aww thank you for the watch too!! :glomp:
Reply
:iconcoolchickz:
coolchickz Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013
You are so welcome ^.^
Reply
:iconyachiru-likes-candy:
Yachiru-likes-candy Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks so much for the fave :hug:
Reply
:iconcoolchickz:
coolchickz Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013
You're welcome ^.^ By the way, I love lil' Yachu!!!! She's so cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconyachiru-likes-candy:
Yachiru-likes-candy Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hehe I know so cute but could be deadly O-O :iconyachirusmileplz:
Reply
:iconcoolchickz:
coolchickz Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013
It is very true. I would never want to piss Yachiru off. It's truly scary.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconcoolchickz:
coolchickz Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013
I know
Reply
:iconcoolchickz:
coolchickz Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2013
Your welcome
Reply
:icondoofenschmirtzevil:
DoofenschmirtzEvil Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
Hey it's Zac :3
Reply
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